I pose this question twisting the term “locus of control” developed by Julian B. Rotter, an American psychologist, in 1954. Locus of control is a concept looking at the degree to which a person thinks they have control over dealing with things happening in their lives versus outside influences dictating the outcome.
People who focus too much on outside influences, may blame others, fate or bad luck for their situation. They tend to say things like "I have no choice" or "They make me feel guilty if I don't do this." Such thoughts have likely developed over long periods of time and tend to be great contributors to feelings of anxiety and depression.
I am not saying one should totally focus on the self, in all situations. Certainly, there are events and circumstances brought on from the environment, that can throw us a wrench sort-to-speak; and some are bigger wrenches than others. Many people even have to deal with a whole toolbox full of wrenches that have been thrown into their lives. Some are traumatic, some are painful, some are horrific, or all of the above. And sometimes it really sucks, is not fair, etc. etc. etc. Yes, absolutely do we need to pay attention to these outside circumstances, events or influences and deal with them appropriately.
And that’s the key right there. We Choose how to react; how to deal with what has been given to us. Maybe we are not able to choose all of the outcome, in things that are beyond our control. But we can focus on the things we can control. This can help us feel better; less anxious or depressed.
Sometimes it’s hard to look at our own ways in which we can keep ourselves stuck and sometimes we don’t see choices. It can help to talk things through with a counselor.
Need help? ~ Let’s Talk!
When we think of grief, we tend to think of having lost a loved family member or friend due to death. People also know of persons having grief reactions after a beloved pet has died. But did you know there are more types of grief?
Loss does not have to mean that someone has died. Basically, any time a person feels a sense of "loss" about a situation that has happened, they may be experiencing grief. Here are just some examples:
- A person having lost their job
- Divorce or loss of a relationship - Not just the adults involved, but also the children are effected.
- Loss of autonomy or ability - e.g. an elderly person not being able to do certain things anymore
- Loss of security - e.g. in infidelity situations
- Major illness - leading to loss of health
- Infertility - an example of loss of dreams and ideas about one's future
There are numerous ways in which a person can experience grief from loss. Knowing this and recognizing that this may be effecting you or a loved one you know is a first step. This recognition lends to some understanding and empathy for what may be happening when a person is "expressing" grief reactions in terms of anger, sadness, disbelief and so on.
While these are natural reactions, talking with a professional counselor may help you or your loved one on this journey through grief experiences. Especially, if it is lingering, does not let up, the person is experiencing stronger reactions such as high anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, or if it is connected to distress in other areas of life, such as relationships, school or work.
You don't have to go this journey alone. Contact me for a free consult.
~Let's Talk! (208) 321 5552 or schedule a time at www.petracounseling.com
I am a Nationally Certified- and Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the State of Idaho. With over eight years of experience, I specialize in counseling and consulting with adults of all ages, facing anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, grief & loss, life stage issues, stress and more.